ChrisC2008: It's going to be great.
January 10th 2008 02:41
2008: It's going to be great.
While reading the Daily Telegraph last week, we noticed a story about a Canadian lass who struck tabloid fame by gazing into her crystal ball and predicting the death of Steve Irwin. The media have called on her again to give the old ball a bit of spit and polish and to predict what is going to happen this year.
Now, I don't want to question her talents, but there are two points that need to be said...if there is one thing certain in life, it is that we will all end it in death. And, if you spend your life wrestling crocodiles, snakes and stingrays, then chances are you'll meet your maker alot quicker than, well, if you don't.
Now, I'm not suggesting that this crystal-baller is anything less than extraordinary and super-powered, but I reckon that Funky and The Jazzman have got as good a chance of predicting the future as anyone, and so without further ado...
Predictions for 2008...
Politics.
- Kevin Rudd, on the strength of the "Kevin 07" campaign, hires Dr Suess to be his future PR man. Upon learning that Dr Suess has passed away, Kevin spends the rest of the year in his bedroom trying desperately to think of a nice word that rhymes with 'Rudd.'
- Julia Gillard makes a guest appearance on TV show 'Kath & Kim,' and manages to out-Kath-and-Kim Kath & Kim, and
- John Howard, now that he's been retrenched, spends 10 hours a day working on bowling a cricket ball. By November he'll finally manage to make a ball reach the other end of the cricket pitch, thanks to some technical coaching provided by Trevor Chappell.
Sport.
- In cricket, commentator Tony Greig says something positive about Australian cricket - before laughing and saying "just jokes."
- Phil Jaques gets the sack from the national team in October for playing his first ten tests and refusing to write a book about it.
- Brad Hogg's tongue gets skin cancer and sues Brad for exposing him to the sun without protection. The tongue then writes a best seller book, releases a range of tongue sun cream and stars in another ad for Tooheys Extra Dry.
- Rugby League - Newcastle Knights coach Brian Smith wins the 2008 Dally M player of year. Having sacked his entire playing roster he laces up and goes out and plays on his own. He makes the semis.
- In AFL - Ben Cousins goes three months straight without a single drop or grain of drug in his system and will return to play AFL for his beloved West Coast Eagles. Two weeks of poor form later his club rushes him back onto whatever drugs he wants, stating that without them, he has lost his aggression, creativity and unlimited pain threshold. In November he is mistaken for a horse and gets a start in the Melbourne Cup, running an honourable third.
- In golf, Aaron Baddeley wins a tournament over in the States and doesn't thank God for the victory. "Nah, God had very little to do with it to be honest. He's not much of a fan of golf."
Entertainment.
- The makers of the Bourne series of films release several more this year. Following on from The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum (not necessarily in that order), they release;
* The Bourne and Warne: A story about Matt Damon and a plastic talking doll out on the town,
* Bourne and Dawn: Matt Damon becomes an international flag thief,
* Bourne in the Morn: Damon stars with Kochie and Mel as a breakfast talkshow host, and,
* The Bourne Yawn: No one knows what this one is about because they all fell asleep reading the script.
- Suri Cruise wins her first Oscar, Grammy and Logie, all in 2008. When asked how she could win an award for Australian television, a Logie official said that "although little Suri didn't perform in any of our TV shows from a traditionalist perspective, she was filmed by Aussie cameras, and, and this is the important bit, she was seen many times on Aussie televisions."
- And Angelina Jolie continues to raid the planet in her lust to adopt the perfect rainbow family. Welcome additions to the Jolie/Pitt clan include a jockey from Hong Kong, a chick from the Playboy Mansion and a dingo from Fraser Island.
And that is our fearless predictions for 2008. We suggest you start rubbing your own crystal balls and let us know what you forsee will happen this year.
With that, remember to stay alert, not alarmed, and chow4now.
Funky.
While reading the Daily Telegraph last week, we noticed a story about a Canadian lass who struck tabloid fame by gazing into her crystal ball and predicting the death of Steve Irwin. The media have called on her again to give the old ball a bit of spit and polish and to predict what is going to happen this year.
Now, I don't want to question her talents, but there are two points that need to be said...if there is one thing certain in life, it is that we will all end it in death. And, if you spend your life wrestling crocodiles, snakes and stingrays, then chances are you'll meet your maker alot quicker than, well, if you don't.
Predictions for 2008...
Politics.
- Kevin Rudd, on the strength of the "Kevin 07" campaign, hires Dr Suess to be his future PR man. Upon learning that Dr Suess has passed away, Kevin spends the rest of the year in his bedroom trying desperately to think of a nice word that rhymes with 'Rudd.'
- Julia Gillard makes a guest appearance on TV show 'Kath & Kim,' and manages to out-Kath-and-Kim Kath & Kim, and
- John Howard, now that he's been retrenched, spends 10 hours a day working on bowling a cricket ball. By November he'll finally manage to make a ball reach the other end of the cricket pitch, thanks to some technical coaching provided by Trevor Chappell.
Sport.
- In cricket, commentator Tony Greig says something positive about Australian cricket - before laughing and saying "just jokes."
- Brad Hogg's tongue gets skin cancer and sues Brad for exposing him to the sun without protection. The tongue then writes a best seller book, releases a range of tongue sun cream and stars in another ad for Tooheys Extra Dry.
- Rugby League - Newcastle Knights coach Brian Smith wins the 2008 Dally M player of year. Having sacked his entire playing roster he laces up and goes out and plays on his own. He makes the semis.
- In AFL - Ben Cousins goes three months straight without a single drop or grain of drug in his system and will return to play AFL for his beloved West Coast Eagles. Two weeks of poor form later his club rushes him back onto whatever drugs he wants, stating that without them, he has lost his aggression, creativity and unlimited pain threshold. In November he is mistaken for a horse and gets a start in the Melbourne Cup, running an honourable third.
- In golf, Aaron Baddeley wins a tournament over in the States and doesn't thank God for the victory. "Nah, God had very little to do with it to be honest. He's not much of a fan of golf."
Entertainment.
- The makers of the Bourne series of films release several more this year. Following on from The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatum (not necessarily in that order), they release;
* The Bourne and Warne: A story about Matt Damon and a plastic talking doll out on the town,
* Bourne and Dawn: Matt Damon becomes an international flag thief,
* Bourne in the Morn: Damon stars with Kochie and Mel as a breakfast talkshow host, and,
* The Bourne Yawn: No one knows what this one is about because they all fell asleep reading the script.
- Suri Cruise wins her first Oscar, Grammy and Logie, all in 2008. When asked how she could win an award for Australian television, a Logie official said that "although little Suri didn't perform in any of our TV shows from a traditionalist perspective, she was filmed by Aussie cameras, and, and this is the important bit, she was seen many times on Aussie televisions."
- And Angelina Jolie continues to raid the planet in her lust to adopt the perfect rainbow family. Welcome additions to the Jolie/Pitt clan include a jockey from Hong Kong, a chick from the Playboy Mansion and a dingo from Fraser Island.
And that is our fearless predictions for 2008. We suggest you start rubbing your own crystal balls and let us know what you forsee will happen this year.
With that, remember to stay alert, not alarmed, and chow4now.
Funky.
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Comment by Harry
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Zoo Parent
Bwaa haa haa..
Comment by Anonymous
Keep up the good work