ChrisCChildren's Tales and Cheating Males
February 4th 2008 22:17
How can people who try so hard to get it right seemingly get it so wrong?
Some people get so tangled up in their own righteousness that they end up dabbling in the dark side (the Anakin Effect). On this week’s radio show (perhaps aptly titled I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This); we took it upon ourselves to try to guide those who were a little ill-directed back to the light.
We started over in England, where The Daily Telegraph reported that a computer animated program that retells the story The Three Little Pigs has been rejected by a government education committee who ruled that it may offend Muslims. Apparently the remake of the children’s story “raises cultural issues” for Muslims, and so was not recommended for use at schools.
We think that picking on The Three Little Pigs is not only an over-reaction, but also opens up a whole new can of worms for the entire children’s tales and nursery rhymes industry. If you want to start picking on these tales because they may not be exactly suitable for their target audience, you could eliminate pretty much every story or rhyme ever written. For example…
Goldilocks is basically a story about a sweet young thing who commits trespass, break and enter, theft, and malicious damage to property. Family fun for everyone.
Little Red Riding Hood is a heart-warming kiddie’s tale about murder and deception. And then there’s Humpty.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."
How? No one pushed him, he wasn’t climbing so he couldn't have slipped. There was no massive gust of wind or an earthquake. So what happened?
Suicide. A nursery rhyme that tells kids if you look a bit different, if you don’t fit in, or if you feel alone, then JUMP!
And don’t even get me started with that bloody nursery rhyme with the opening line: “Mary had a little lamb.” There are so many possible meanings in that first sentence alone. I’m not going anywhere near it.
But back to The Three Little Pigs and its apparent religious sensitivities. When finally asked for his thoughts about the kiddy’s story by a journalist, the head of education at the Muslim Council of Britain said “we are not offended by that at all.” (DT)
So while a government education committee is censoring and banning stuff to ensure that Muslims won't get offended, it seems that no-one actually even bothered to ask a Muslim!
Next – we read on the website ananova.com about a German priest who has come up with a new marketing strategy to attract more people to attend his church. He pays them. Cold hard cash. Is this what they call mass-marketing? (Sorry, that was bad, I know). Not surprisingly, attendances tripled when word spread about his offer.
Now, on the one hand it’s great to see because generally churches preach about giving, whilst at the same time passing around the collection plate and taking – sorry - receiving. And while most people would see this get-paid-per-view cash incentive as a generous act or a gesture of goodwill, we at Funky and The Jazzman see it as something else entirely: bribery.
Now I’m not sure if bribery as a sin made the Top Ten Commandments, I don’t remember reading “Thou shalt not bribe,” but surely it’s up there. Maybe it's sitting on the reserves bench and raring to go.
And, as they say: won’t someone please think about the children! What example does this set for the kiddies out there?
Mum: “Sally, clean your teeth please.”
Sally: “Pay me.”
Teacher: “Joey, pull your pants up.”
Joey: “Pay me.”
To finish with, I caught this story the other day on Fox sports. Apparently Diego Maradona has finally admitted to and apologized for his ‘hand of God’ goal in the 1986 Soccer World Cup. For anyone who doesn’t know, Maradona blatantly stuck his hand out and pushed the ball past the goalkeeper and into the net in possibly the most spectacular example of cheating in the history of everything. He is now saying that if he could go back and change history he would, but he can’t, so bad luck.
Not so fast Maradona, me old mate…
In other sporting events, when the victorious are found to be cheats, they are stripped of their winner’s status, prizes, cash, the lot. Think Marion Jones and the Sydney Olympics. Hmmm. Think Floyd Landis and the 2006 Tour de France. Hmmm.
We are therefore calling on those in charge of World Cup Soccer to do exactly the same thing. Strip Argentina of their winner’s status and give it to the runners-up, West Germany.
The next problem is of course, Germany has now reunified; so how can we award a World Cup winner to an entity that doesn’t officially exist? And that, dear listener to our radio show and reader of our blog, is where you come into it.
We are starting a campaign to re-divide Germany and therefore rebuild the wall so we can properly pay tribute to the new 1986 World Cup winners. If you know any builders with a passport and some spare time, or if you have some spare bricks lying around, please let us know, and sign our petition that can be found on our new website:
rebuild.thewall_andcelebrate_ theworld.cup.soccervictory_wi thwest-germany/noteast-germ any/andcertainly_not.argentin a.dotcom
Cash donations are also acceptable.
And so with that, please remember to right the wrongs of the world. And how exactly does one do that, do you ask? It’s simple. Stay alert, not alarmed.
Thanks for reading, and chow4now.
Funky and The Jazzman
Some people get so tangled up in their own righteousness that they end up dabbling in the dark side (the Anakin Effect). On this week’s radio show (perhaps aptly titled I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This); we took it upon ourselves to try to guide those who were a little ill-directed back to the light.
We started over in England, where The Daily Telegraph reported that a computer animated program that retells the story The Three Little Pigs has been rejected by a government education committee who ruled that it may offend Muslims. Apparently the remake of the children’s story “raises cultural issues” for Muslims, and so was not recommended for use at schools.
We think that picking on The Three Little Pigs is not only an over-reaction, but also opens up a whole new can of worms for the entire children’s tales and nursery rhymes industry. If you want to start picking on these tales because they may not be exactly suitable for their target audience, you could eliminate pretty much every story or rhyme ever written. For example…
Goldilocks is basically a story about a sweet young thing who commits trespass, break and enter, theft, and malicious damage to property. Family fun for everyone.
Little Red Riding Hood is a heart-warming kiddie’s tale about murder and deception. And then there’s Humpty.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."
How? No one pushed him, he wasn’t climbing so he couldn't have slipped. There was no massive gust of wind or an earthquake. So what happened?
Suicide. A nursery rhyme that tells kids if you look a bit different, if you don’t fit in, or if you feel alone, then JUMP!
And don’t even get me started with that bloody nursery rhyme with the opening line: “Mary had a little lamb.” There are so many possible meanings in that first sentence alone. I’m not going anywhere near it.
But back to The Three Little Pigs and its apparent religious sensitivities. When finally asked for his thoughts about the kiddy’s story by a journalist, the head of education at the Muslim Council of Britain said “we are not offended by that at all.” (DT)
So while a government education committee is censoring and banning stuff to ensure that Muslims won't get offended, it seems that no-one actually even bothered to ask a Muslim!
Next – we read on the website ananova.com about a German priest who has come up with a new marketing strategy to attract more people to attend his church. He pays them. Cold hard cash. Is this what they call mass-marketing? (Sorry, that was bad, I know). Not surprisingly, attendances tripled when word spread about his offer.
Now, on the one hand it’s great to see because generally churches preach about giving, whilst at the same time passing around the collection plate and taking – sorry - receiving. And while most people would see this get-paid-per-view cash incentive as a generous act or a gesture of goodwill, we at Funky and The Jazzman see it as something else entirely: bribery.
Now I’m not sure if bribery as a sin made the Top Ten Commandments, I don’t remember reading “Thou shalt not bribe,” but surely it’s up there. Maybe it's sitting on the reserves bench and raring to go.
And, as they say: won’t someone please think about the children! What example does this set for the kiddies out there?
Mum: “Sally, clean your teeth please.”
Sally: “Pay me.”
Teacher: “Joey, pull your pants up.”
Joey: “Pay me.”
To finish with, I caught this story the other day on Fox sports. Apparently Diego Maradona has finally admitted to and apologized for his ‘hand of God’ goal in the 1986 Soccer World Cup. For anyone who doesn’t know, Maradona blatantly stuck his hand out and pushed the ball past the goalkeeper and into the net in possibly the most spectacular example of cheating in the history of everything. He is now saying that if he could go back and change history he would, but he can’t, so bad luck.
Not so fast Maradona, me old mate…
In other sporting events, when the victorious are found to be cheats, they are stripped of their winner’s status, prizes, cash, the lot. Think Marion Jones and the Sydney Olympics. Hmmm. Think Floyd Landis and the 2006 Tour de France. Hmmm.
We are therefore calling on those in charge of World Cup Soccer to do exactly the same thing. Strip Argentina of their winner’s status and give it to the runners-up, West Germany.
The next problem is of course, Germany has now reunified; so how can we award a World Cup winner to an entity that doesn’t officially exist? And that, dear listener to our radio show and reader of our blog, is where you come into it.
We are starting a campaign to re-divide Germany and therefore rebuild the wall so we can properly pay tribute to the new 1986 World Cup winners. If you know any builders with a passport and some spare time, or if you have some spare bricks lying around, please let us know, and sign our petition that can be found on our new website:
rebuild.thewall_andcelebrate_ theworld.cup.soccervictory_wi thwest-germany/noteast-germ any/andcertainly_not.argentin a.dotcom
Cash donations are also acceptable.
And so with that, please remember to right the wrongs of the world. And how exactly does one do that, do you ask? It’s simple. Stay alert, not alarmed.
Thanks for reading, and chow4now.
Funky and The Jazzman
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Comment by Maradona, What a legend!
it is considered one of the best ever World Cup goals . Argentina beat England 2-0 so if you take that goal away they still win 1-0 and therefore still go onto win the World Cup in 1986.
Comment by ChrisC
The Dissector