ChrisCSugar-munchers getting fatter! (or - 'How to save the kiddies')
March 18th 2008 04:54
According to a newspaper report, we (as in Australia) should ban junk food advertising on TV between 6am and 9pm to reduce rising rates of obesity in our children. Apparently our kiddies are not just fat, but, like Wayne Carey’s nostrils, getting fatter by the minute, and so all commercials that feature food that is high in fat, sugar and/or salt should sneak off and do their penance with The Mint and Guthy-Renker. While this is an issue that needs to be addressed, is culling television commercials the only way around this problem?
We at Funky-and-The-Jazzman-R-Us took a quick brainstorm session to try and help the little porkers and decided there are other ways to stop them filling their gobs with muck and piling on the pounds. A couple of quick ideas include…
- Ban televisions. It’s only trying to solve the problem in half-measures by taking certain commercials off the box. Perhaps it’s the actual sitting on one’s ever increasing butt and watching the TV for too long that is doing the damage to our little fat-munchers. The Jazzman counter-argued however, pointing out that TV’s were good for some things, like plugging PS2’s into. And let’s face it, they are a great outlet for sport and Underbelly, so this first point may be a little harsh.
- Ban public transport. Well, for kiddies anyway. I remember when I was a young lad, we used to all get up at 2.30 in the morning and ride 18 miles a day to school on our horses, then 26 miles home, go to bed at 1am, and then get up an hour and a half later and do it all again. Not an ounce of fat on us in those days. Couldn’t be either, or else those saber-toothed tigers would smell us from miles away.
- Ban all road vehicles. Again, think about the kiddies. I’m not entirely sure but I swear I read a study that said that cars definitely kill more kids than televisions do.
- Ban grandmothers. This is a must. Who is the number one provider of sugary, fatty, grubby foods and beverages to our kiddies? The wicked witches we call our grandmothers, of course. “Come on, one more Iced Vo-Vo won’t hurt. I won’t tell, it’ll be our little secret!” I’m on to you, old ladies…
- Change our school system. There is way too much sitting around banging on about our times tables or reciting the bloody alphabet. Who cares what order the letters go in? It doesn’t spell a word anyway, and you sure can’t get bonus points in a game of Scrabble if you somehow manage to lay out the full ordered set. Seven tiles only - what gives? (But that’s another story). We should have three hours of mental education, and three hours of physical education. Every day. This leads to an even better idea…
- Compulsory army service. From the age of 5 through to 18. If you’re old enough to go to school, you’re old enough to fire a gun. A few hours before and after school and across every weekend will keep those fat-balls away from the TV and the bikkie barrel.
Now sure, some of these ideas will take a little while to sink in (maybe a few years – I can’t see Kevin Rudd calling for a grandmother cull) but trust us; we all have to look after the children. In the meantime, then, there are one or two less-imposing ideas we should put in place immediately…
The report, as read in The Sydney Morning Herald, stated that there was an “imbalance in the ads being shown,” i.e. – there are too many ads about bad food and not enough showing good foods. When was the last time you saw an ad about beetroot? Or how about “I’m a lean, mean, fighting machine. Hi kids, I’m a kidney bean!” Not since Popeye launched ‘Operation Spinach Rocks,’ have we seen a slightly less than popular food targeted at the kiddies. If those in the national choko industry don’t want to promote their product, then they should be fined big-time!
Of course, they say that in terms of age, 40 is the new 30, so why can’t we do the same with weight? We can all agree that 100 kilos is the new 50 kilos, and live happily ever after.
Love a happy ending.
Cheers, chow4now, and as always, stay alert, not alarmed.
Ps: whatever we do, we cannot - I repeat, CANNOT blame bad parenting. Do not even think about it. Don’t think about the fact that parents are the ones with the money, they are the ones who buy the muck in the first place. No way. Remember – it is always someone else’s fault. Amen.
Reference: Frith, M. 2008. Call for junk food ad ban. The Sydney Morning Herald, 16 March, online ed.
We at Funky-and-The-Jazzman-R-Us took a quick brainstorm session to try and help the little porkers and decided there are other ways to stop them filling their gobs with muck and piling on the pounds. A couple of quick ideas include…
- Ban televisions. It’s only trying to solve the problem in half-measures by taking certain commercials off the box. Perhaps it’s the actual sitting on one’s ever increasing butt and watching the TV for too long that is doing the damage to our little fat-munchers. The Jazzman counter-argued however, pointing out that TV’s were good for some things, like plugging PS2’s into. And let’s face it, they are a great outlet for sport and Underbelly, so this first point may be a little harsh.
- Ban public transport. Well, for kiddies anyway. I remember when I was a young lad, we used to all get up at 2.30 in the morning and ride 18 miles a day to school on our horses, then 26 miles home, go to bed at 1am, and then get up an hour and a half later and do it all again. Not an ounce of fat on us in those days. Couldn’t be either, or else those saber-toothed tigers would smell us from miles away.
- Ban all road vehicles. Again, think about the kiddies. I’m not entirely sure but I swear I read a study that said that cars definitely kill more kids than televisions do.
- Ban grandmothers. This is a must. Who is the number one provider of sugary, fatty, grubby foods and beverages to our kiddies? The wicked witches we call our grandmothers, of course. “Come on, one more Iced Vo-Vo won’t hurt. I won’t tell, it’ll be our little secret!” I’m on to you, old ladies…
- Change our school system. There is way too much sitting around banging on about our times tables or reciting the bloody alphabet. Who cares what order the letters go in? It doesn’t spell a word anyway, and you sure can’t get bonus points in a game of Scrabble if you somehow manage to lay out the full ordered set. Seven tiles only - what gives? (But that’s another story). We should have three hours of mental education, and three hours of physical education. Every day. This leads to an even better idea…
- Compulsory army service. From the age of 5 through to 18. If you’re old enough to go to school, you’re old enough to fire a gun. A few hours before and after school and across every weekend will keep those fat-balls away from the TV and the bikkie barrel.
Now sure, some of these ideas will take a little while to sink in (maybe a few years – I can’t see Kevin Rudd calling for a grandmother cull) but trust us; we all have to look after the children. In the meantime, then, there are one or two less-imposing ideas we should put in place immediately…
The report, as read in The Sydney Morning Herald, stated that there was an “imbalance in the ads being shown,” i.e. – there are too many ads about bad food and not enough showing good foods. When was the last time you saw an ad about beetroot? Or how about “I’m a lean, mean, fighting machine. Hi kids, I’m a kidney bean!” Not since Popeye launched ‘Operation Spinach Rocks,’ have we seen a slightly less than popular food targeted at the kiddies. If those in the national choko industry don’t want to promote their product, then they should be fined big-time!
Of course, they say that in terms of age, 40 is the new 30, so why can’t we do the same with weight? We can all agree that 100 kilos is the new 50 kilos, and live happily ever after.
Love a happy ending.
Cheers, chow4now, and as always, stay alert, not alarmed.
Ps: whatever we do, we cannot - I repeat, CANNOT blame bad parenting. Do not even think about it. Don’t think about the fact that parents are the ones with the money, they are the ones who buy the muck in the first place. No way. Remember – it is always someone else’s fault. Amen.
Reference: Frith, M. 2008. Call for junk food ad ban. The Sydney Morning Herald, 16 March, online ed.
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