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The Dissector - "I've got a bad feeling about this..."

The radio show - The Dissector

BLOKEANOL – Put the bloke back in your throat!

July 9th 2008 11:01

We at F & TJ & TD Beverages are proud to announce the upcoming release of our brand new product – Blokeanol.

A beverage so strong it’ll make Truman Capote sound like Darth Vader, and so tough it’ll make Ernie sound like Arnie.

Click on the link here and have a listen to the first ever radio release of Blokeanol. We offer our 100% certified guarantee that if you don’t laugh listening to it – you won’t.

Blokeanol – available soon in those heaps tough cans from yesteryear that had the steel strip reinforcement down the side so they were virtually uncrushable. Or in an exclusive to Blokeanol Beverages, you can purchase them in glass bottles that are already shaped into a cutting weapon. None of that sissy plastic stuff.

Ps: plus we wanted to see if we can successfully create a You Tube account, and make a video out of an audio recording, and attach it to an Orble blog.

Cheers, and chow4now.

Pss: no biceps were harmed in the making of this blog. We don't even know who this one belongs to. (Thankyou Wiki.)

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TOP TEN: The things we learn

March 4th 2008 05:18

What are the key things that we have learnt from the media and the world in the last two-point something years? How far have we progressed as a civilisation in this period of time?!

Having served community radio for two point something years now, people often come up to us and say “Hey, Funky and The Jazzman! What have you guys learnt in your time on radio? You know, based on your thorough research and learnings, both here and abroad,” they’ll say.

No they won’t. But if someone did ask us, then that would be a good question for us to answer, and an even better one to write a blog about. And so we’ll now attempt to answer that never-asked question, in true media style – by coming up with a TOP TEN list!

The Top Ten things we have learnt whilst being on radio…

1) The United Nations are a well organised, vital source of information to man-kind. Without a UN committee being formed, spending months on the problem, and then releasing their astonishing information to the world, we wouldn’t have had a clue that tasers were a form of torture.

2) According to at least one United States company, tasers are also a good source of family fun! Why else would you release a taser/mp3 player combo gadget?

3) Iceland was announced as the “most developed nation of 2007.” Congratulations to them, but our own research told us that Icelanders also eat cured ram scrota, is the home of, and therefore wholly responsible for, singer Bjork, and whilst no longer having a commercial whaling fleet, they still allow scientific whale hunts. I guess that shows how undeveloped and infantile groups such as Greenpeace really are. Grow up Greenpeace!

4) If you are in the entertainment business and need a quick surge of publicity, drugs and booze are good, but rehab is better.

5) John Howard and Mark Latham do actually have one thing in common. They both stuck around for one election too many.

6) You need to be stuck in a mine for at least two weeks before the Foo Fighters write a song for you or Eddie McGuire buys you a beer.

7) Luke and Leia shouldn't have kissed.

8) The nation is split over whether spending months on end with a mate on a canoe between Australia and New Zealand is heroic or a complete waste of everyone’s time.

9) If you’re a new sporting team to a competition, then every big match you are involved in for the first three years in undoubtedly “the most important in the club’s history.”

10) In these days of politically correct times, where an individual’s clumsiness can lead to a multi-million dollar lawsuit, we all should be taking the lead of a US tractor company and attach the following sticker on absolutely everything: “Warning – Avoid Death.”

And finally, probably the most important thing we have learnt over the past few years…

Be alert, not alarmed.

And chow4now.

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Children's Tales and Cheating Males

February 4th 2008 22:17

How can people who try so hard to get it right seemingly get it so wrong?

Some people get so tangled up in their own righteousness that they end up dabbling in the dark side (the Anakin Effect). On this week’s radio show (perhaps aptly titled I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This); we took it upon ourselves to try to guide those who were a little ill-directed back to the light

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The Jerry Maguire Principle.

January 22nd 2008 12:13

* I was watching the film Jerry Maguire the other evening when something dawned on me – the scriptwriter had only written enough material for half a film. I could suddenly imagine the frustration and anxiety at the pre-shoot production meeting. The studio executive saying “sure, this script would be great for an individual television show, but we aint in the business of making television, and television aint in the business of making only one show of anything.” The producer would be looking at the half-script, shaking his or her head, desperately seeking a solution, while the scriptwriter sits in the corner sobbing uncontrollably.

As a silence washes over the room (apart from the sobbing), the high-backed black leather chair that has been facing the window all morning slowly starts to move. All eyes lock onto it as it turns to face them, and reveals none other than the mighty Tom Cruise; sunglasses on, hair slick, legs swinging freely several inches from the floor. As cool as you like, Tom surveys the nerves and insecurities written on each and every face, then produces his trademark raising of the arms and the toothy grin combination and shouts out, “I’ve got it. Let’s start shooting

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The week that was...

January 17th 2008 12:24

A trip to the SCG, having a blast with a taser and sex with a robot were some of the things we at Funky-and-The-Jazzman-R-Us had to negotiate on last week’s episode of I’ve Got a Bad Feeling About This.

I made the journey down to the Sydney Cricket Ground to catch a day’s play between the Aussies and the Indians. Being a massive cricket fan, it’s a rare day indeed that I will stoop so low to actually criticise the game, but I feel obliged to report on some of the recent unsavory developments, and I’m not talking about racism, sledging or umpires

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2008: It's going to be great.

January 10th 2008 02:41

2008: It's going to be great.

While reading the Daily Telegraph last week, we noticed a story about a Canadian lass who struck tabloid fame by gazing into her crystal ball and predicting the death of Steve Irwin. The media have called on her again to give the old ball a bit of spit and polish and to predict what is going to happen this year

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Introducing: Funky and The Jazzman

January 9th 2008 13:03

Hello out there. I'm Funky from Team: Funky and The Jazzman. We are a couple of blokes who do a show* on community radio where each week, we take a look at the week that was and the week that's going to be. Our main focus is on the media, sport and entertainment.

I have formed a bit of a habit of writing a blog based on each week's show, and am happy** to be able to now present it through orble.com. The plan is to write a weekly blog featuring some of our show's bits, and then pop up and write some features that I feel the need to highlight from time to time. And from this day forth it shall be known as thedissector.com! mwah-hahahaha

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